Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
