there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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