Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize