I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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