You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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