but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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