My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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