she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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