not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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