How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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