Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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