1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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