i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
