I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize