I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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