SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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