but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
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Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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