Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
