Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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