Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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