so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
