She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
