i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
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Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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