i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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