First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
