Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
