She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
