Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize