Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
