i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
