this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
