i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
