i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
