I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
