Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
