You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
