why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Rumble strips road head = magical
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We need to get me chipped asap
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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