you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
