I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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