Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
