dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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