all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
