This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
