You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
