hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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