my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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