i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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