Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
