i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
