you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
