I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
