I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
