This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
