When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
