The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
