the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
