I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
