considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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