I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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