Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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