Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
