you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
