nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
the raccoons are back...
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