There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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