Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
