When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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