After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...