I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
