My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
