DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
