Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
