i may or may not be watching the land before time
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
