Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
