When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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