omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
