he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
