Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
