Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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