For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
