shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
