Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
