my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
